Thursday, June 22, 2017

Movie review of Transformers: The Last Knight

Transformers: The Last Knight : 1/10

I went into the cinema knowing full well it's gonna be a shit movie solely because its Michael Bay and all of the Transformers movies were shit. This guy is like Midas, except everything he touches turns to shit instead of gold. For 2 hours and 40 mins, I was dumbfounded. Dumbfounded because I knew it was going to be a shit movie and yet Bay has somehow still managed to piss me off with this horrible piece of crap. I'm going to go in point form and I don't really give a shit about spoilers cause the whole fuck movie is spoilt anyway and it's a Michael Bay movie not a PT Anderson movie so fuck off.

  • Editing. Absolute garbage. I have no fucking idea what the fuck is going on throughout the movie. One scene you are here and then suddenly without explanation you are there and the cuts are so abrupt.
  • Script. Here's an example. "Optimus Prime: [Morse code] I'm coming for you, humans..." IN FUCKING MORSE CODE!!!! And the lines gets worse for the fucking humans.
  • Optimus Prime. I thought the fucker died or looking for something in the previous movie. He finds cybertron which is controlled by some lanjiao bitch transformer leader called Quintessa. She mind fucks him till his eyes turn purple which means he is bad now. Then you don't see that fucker for 30 mins or more in the movie and suddenly he appears and takes Merlin's staff. YEA... FUCKING MERLIN....KING FUCKING ARTHUR'S MERLIN!
  • Optimus Prime's lines. Half the fuck time he is asking everyone what's his motherfucking name like as though he is Snoop Dogg and just to make sure, he will mention his name about 5000 times. even when he is bad, he gives himself a new name. Nemesis Prime. KNN. How about Pukimak Prime, motherfucker.
  • Megatron. It's just lazy that you have to use Starscream's helmet design and say that's a new Megatron look. Frank Welker did the VO for Megatron this time instead of Hugo Weaving which is cool but not very menacing.
  • Decepticons. I don't know why you have to show a range of decepticons with name tags only to kill them off in the next few mins. Definitely done for Hasbro to milk idiots into buying the toys for sure.
  • Timeline. There is no fucking link if you combine all the  Transformers movies together. and then in the Last Knight, all of a sudden you have King fucking Arthur and the knights of the round table and fucking Merlin(FUCK YOU STANLEY TUCCI) carrying a Transformer staff that wields a fucking three headed transformer dragon. Then all of a sudden you have WORLD WAR 2 sequences as well. Hitler was killed by a Transformer clock. Yup. A fucking Transformer clock.
  • Sir Anthony Hopkins. From Remains of the day to Silence of the lambs to Transformers. Why??? You got no money ah cheebye? Getting senile ah? For fuck's sake....
  • Mark Wahlberg aka Marky Mark and his bewildered "Why the fuck am I doing this for a second time" look.
  • British chick. Her forehead like Wong Fei Hong.
  • Special effects were good but utterly useless. you rarely see the transformations.
  • Bumble bee. now he can join his parts like Ironman. and suddenly... he has a voice that pretty much says "I love you Optimus, I will suck your cock and I will die for you" Well along those lines anyway.
  • Hot Rod aka Rodimus Prime is French. WHY???? What's next? Soundwave with an Indian accent?
  • Autobots. Fuck them and their VO actors. By the way you will only see the useless Grimlock in the junkyard. That's all cause the the other Autobots left the fucker there.
  • Little dinobots. I don't know what else to call them but I wonder, did Grimlock fuck Marky Mark to get those fucking babies?
All in all, this is definitely going into the list of worst movies of 2017. If you wanna bring your kids to watch this, for mindless fun. Don't. Teach them Maths or some shit. Fuck this movie.

Movie review of The Mummy

The Mummy - 5.5/10

This is quite possibly one of the very rare occasions, that a Tom Cruise movie did not meet my expectations. Usually any movies lead by Tom Cruise would have been fun to watch and with spectacular action sequences(especially his later movies). The mummy however was a little boring and only some of the action sequences were fun to watch. Script wasn't good and definitely didn't help by mediocre acting by the lead actress, Annabelle Walis whom some of you might have seen her in the TV series, Peaky Blinders. Very dull and stale acting, even her jokes fell flat. The main villain, Ahmanet portrayed by Sofia Boutella bored me as well. I don't know why people say she is hot or something. You know which actresses were hot, funny and can act? The ladies from the Brendan Fraser's Mummy. Now that was a decent and fun movie to watch.(The sequels were shit though) The worst was Russell Crowe. It was clear, he doesn't belong there. A really bad casting for Dr Jekyll.
Sadly this is the first movie for the monsters filled Dark Universe which Universal studios has invested in. Some how or rather, I don't really see this franchise being a hit even though I love monster movies.

Don't bother watching in the cinema. Just wait for cable.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Movie review of King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword - 5/10
All British cast and directed by Guy Ritchie. Should have been great but sadly it isn't. Guy Ritchie movies are very inconsistent. You have really good ones with fantastic script. You have some really shit ones, some with a shit script as well. And you have some that were "meh" and forgettable. Sadly his last movie falls into that category. 
Cast was a little weird for me. Jude Law was fantastic and he does portray a really good villain. Charlie Hunham on the other hand was OK but he had a really hard time with the accent. I really thought he was american putting on a fake English accent but it turns out, he was born in Newcastle, England, I remember watching his earlier movies like Green street hooligan which was a fantastic movie and he didn't have a problem with the English accent. In King Arthur however, it was terrible.
I hated the script and Guy Ritchie did the same trademark sequence which he does for most of his movies. I really didn't feel for the slang of today to be used during the timeline for King Arthur. It was just too off and not funny at all.

The only scene which made me laugh so hard was the cameo appearance by Beckham. From how he looks to how he speaks, it was just too funny and it will forever be made fun of.

All in all, King Arthur is a forgettable movie and not worth watching on a weekend. Just wait for cable.

Movie review of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 - 8/10


Even though it is not as good as the first one, Vol.2 was still fantastic and really fun to watch. There are lots of good positive moments and some really funny ones as well. To me, Drax the destroyer played by WWE legend, Dave Bautista absolutely stole the show. He was damn funny in every scene he was in and I couldn't stop laughing at the "Mantis! LOOK OUT!" part. The rest of the cast were good especially Yondu played by Michael Rooker. The whole anti hero/ father figure suited him really well. You also have the cute factor for the kids with Baby Groot. Which was nice but a little too much of something can be quite annoying.
Direction for Vol.2 was pretty good. I loved the editing and I enjoyed the script. The soundtrack didn't really caught my attention the first time like how it was in the first movie but when I listened to the soundtrack for the second time, that's when I appreciated it.
I will definitely get the Blu ray for this movie and I am looking forward to the third movie and the one where they meet the avengers to face Thanos.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Movie review of Alien:Covenant

Alien:Covenant - 7.5/10

Few things to take note before watching Alien: Covenant. If you are not a fan of the Alien franchise or science fiction, don't bother watching this. If you are a fan, you need to watch Prometheus first AND most importantly the prologues which are on YouTube. It will help explain. That being said, I enjoyed watching Alien: Covenant despite a few hiccups.
Here are the hiccups.
Editing. Sadly a lot of unexplained stuff and you are bound to go what the fuck happened to that guy? Wasn't he in the trailer? Stuff that appeared in the trailer didn't make it in the movie and that always pisses me off. Then you show those scenes for fuck? Quite a number of pivotal scenes have been cut off hence the kind of abrupt start. My guess why it was edited like that, which is hiccup no. 2.
Timing. Covenant is at 2 hours long when it should be actually 3 hours. The prologues are very important and I didn't realize that they were not in the movie when they should have. I hope there is  a director's cut when the Blu ray comes out and add the prologues and whatever deleted scenes that were cut from the original movie so I can enjoy the movie in its whole.
Script. Very inconsistent. There are some really fucking awesome lines and then there are some Schwarzenegger-esque lines. That music selection line... Fucking awesome. That bed bug line... Fucking cheesy.
Acting is not too shabby. Fassbender pretty much owned every scene he was in. Even though there are some instances I feel he doesn't really act like how he was supposed to especially towards the end but I have a funny feeling that all this will be explained in the next Alien movie as it edges closer to the Alien and Aliens movie.
Effects and the aliens. Still a little unsure on how the first ones come about but design wise it was very meh to me. Facehuggers still creep the shit out of me even though I know whats gonna happen when you look at the fucking cocoon when it opens. The xenomorph was cool as fuck and follows the first Alien design. But there's a scene which involves putting your hands up. I didnt know whether to laugh or facepalm myself.

All in all, its still worth watching on a weekend, if you are a fan of the franchise. I would definitely watch this again and get the Blu ray for the director's cut. But remember to watch the prologues first.