Sunday, August 20, 2017

Movie review of The Hitman's Bodyguard

The Hitman's Bodyguard - 5.5/10
If you feel like watching a movie without over thinking or you don't want to concentrate on the script and acting and what not. Plus if you are a fan of Samuel L Jackson's movies, then this movie is for you.
Mindless entertainment. Good action sequences and fight choreography. And shit loads of vulgarity.

The cast is pretty good. You got Ryan Reynolds and Sam Jackson doing the buddy thing. They got chemistry and there are some damn funny scenes and lines between them. Reynolds has that exasperated look which serves him well when he is against the always angry Jackson. Gary Oldman is always solid as a bad guy even though he had some weird make up on(which was fine until the close ups). I wished Salma Hayek had more scenes though. That beautiful woman is still smoking hot and  doesn't seem to age one bit. Elodie Yung wasn't good. Electra can't seem to act and appears stiff at times.

The plot is absolute shit and the script is pretty much a "best of Samuel L Jackson's classic one liners". You can spot lines from Die Hard 3 to Pulp Fiction. And the way the word "Motherfucker" rolls out of Sam Jackson's tongue, it's just too cool yet you can feel the hate. And I love saying "Motherfucker" in Sam Jackson's style.

If you can get pass the ridiculous story line, you will enjoy the Hitman's Bodyguard. Just watch it n a weekday.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Movie review of War for the Planet of the Apes

War for the Planet of the Apes - 6/10

It took me quite awhile to catch this movie even though I really wanted to watch this when I saw the trailer. In a way, I'm kinda glad I didn't watch it on a weekend when it just came out cause the movie wasn't really what I expected and I was a little disappointed with it. Somehow War just felt incomplete. I'm not sure if there is going to be a fourth movie but if there is, I have a funny feeling it's gonna go downhill from here.
Dawn and Rise had fantastic story lines and also a pretty good cast. In fact War has a good cast as well. You have Woody Harrelson who could have been a great and memorable villain but unfortunately he was severely under used. There were so little scenes of him and his last scene was disappointing. Andy Serkis as always was remarkable and such a joy to watch him but this time Caesar was more subdued, maybe it was the age thing and all, I guess. But I still felt something about War's story line that was lacking. I certainly don't feel the need to watch this movie again even if it were to show on cable.
The virus thing that used to kill humans in the previous movies is a bit more docile now and just makes the humans dumb and stupid literally. If I remember correctly from the original movie, the humans were something like that. I may be wrong, it's been a while since I watched that Charlton Heston movie. At least that plot was understandable. What about the avalanche that came out of nowhere like Randy Orton and pretty much killed the rest of the other army and were they infected? Sadly that wasn't explained. And then you have the ending which kinda pissed me off. I know that Caesar has to die and he has to die in a dramatic way but come on lah. Making him die like as though the fella is fucking Moses? Fuck that. I really hate it when they fuse movies with religion, it fucking irks me.

If you haven't watch this, just wait for it on cable. Don't waste your money.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Movie review of Transformers: The Last Knight

Transformers: The Last Knight : 1/10

I went into the cinema knowing full well it's gonna be a shit movie solely because its Michael Bay and all of the Transformers movies were shit. This guy is like Midas, except everything he touches turns to shit instead of gold. For 2 hours and 40 mins, I was dumbfounded. Dumbfounded because I knew it was going to be a shit movie and yet Bay has somehow still managed to piss me off with this horrible piece of crap. I'm going to go in point form and I don't really give a shit about spoilers cause the whole fuck movie is spoilt anyway and it's a Michael Bay movie not a PT Anderson movie so fuck off.

  • Editing. Absolute garbage. I have no fucking idea what the fuck is going on throughout the movie. One scene you are here and then suddenly without explanation you are there and the cuts are so abrupt.
  • Script. Here's an example. "Optimus Prime: [Morse code] I'm coming for you, humans..." IN FUCKING MORSE CODE!!!! And the lines gets worse for the fucking humans.
  • Optimus Prime. I thought the fucker died or looking for something in the previous movie. He finds cybertron which is controlled by some lanjiao bitch transformer leader called Quintessa. She mind fucks him till his eyes turn purple which means he is bad now. Then you don't see that fucker for 30 mins or more in the movie and suddenly he appears and takes Merlin's staff. YEA... FUCKING MERLIN....KING FUCKING ARTHUR'S MERLIN!
  • Optimus Prime's lines. Half the fuck time he is asking everyone what's his motherfucking name like as though he is Snoop Dogg and just to make sure, he will mention his name about 5000 times. even when he is bad, he gives himself a new name. Nemesis Prime. KNN. How about Pukimak Prime, motherfucker.
  • Megatron. It's just lazy that you have to use Starscream's helmet design and say that's a new Megatron look. Frank Welker did the VO for Megatron this time instead of Hugo Weaving which is cool but not very menacing.
  • Decepticons. I don't know why you have to show a range of decepticons with name tags only to kill them off in the next few mins. Definitely done for Hasbro to milk idiots into buying the toys for sure.
  • Timeline. There is no fucking link if you combine all the  Transformers movies together. and then in the Last Knight, all of a sudden you have King fucking Arthur and the knights of the round table and fucking Merlin(FUCK YOU STANLEY TUCCI) carrying a Transformer staff that wields a fucking three headed transformer dragon. Then all of a sudden you have WORLD WAR 2 sequences as well. Hitler was killed by a Transformer clock. Yup. A fucking Transformer clock.
  • Sir Anthony Hopkins. From Remains of the day to Silence of the lambs to Transformers. Why??? You got no money ah cheebye? Getting senile ah? For fuck's sake....
  • Mark Wahlberg aka Marky Mark and his bewildered "Why the fuck am I doing this for a second time" look.
  • British chick. Her forehead like Wong Fei Hong.
  • Special effects were good but utterly useless. you rarely see the transformations.
  • Bumble bee. now he can join his parts like Ironman. and suddenly... he has a voice that pretty much says "I love you Optimus, I will suck your cock and I will die for you" Well along those lines anyway.
  • Hot Rod aka Rodimus Prime is French. WHY???? What's next? Soundwave with an Indian accent?
  • Autobots. Fuck them and their VO actors. By the way you will only see the useless Grimlock in the junkyard. That's all cause the the other Autobots left the fucker there.
  • Little dinobots. I don't know what else to call them but I wonder, did Grimlock fuck Marky Mark to get those fucking babies?
All in all, this is definitely going into the list of worst movies of 2017. If you wanna bring your kids to watch this, for mindless fun. Don't. Teach them Maths or some shit. Fuck this movie.

Movie review of The Mummy

The Mummy - 5.5/10

This is quite possibly one of the very rare occasions, that a Tom Cruise movie did not meet my expectations. Usually any movies lead by Tom Cruise would have been fun to watch and with spectacular action sequences(especially his later movies). The mummy however was a little boring and only some of the action sequences were fun to watch. Script wasn't good and definitely didn't help by mediocre acting by the lead actress, Annabelle Walis whom some of you might have seen her in the TV series, Peaky Blinders. Very dull and stale acting, even her jokes fell flat. The main villain, Ahmanet portrayed by Sofia Boutella bored me as well. I don't know why people say she is hot or something. You know which actresses were hot, funny and can act? The ladies from the Brendan Fraser's Mummy. Now that was a decent and fun movie to watch.(The sequels were shit though) The worst was Russell Crowe. It was clear, he doesn't belong there. A really bad casting for Dr Jekyll.
Sadly this is the first movie for the monsters filled Dark Universe which Universal studios has invested in. Some how or rather, I don't really see this franchise being a hit even though I love monster movies.

Don't bother watching in the cinema. Just wait for cable.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Movie review of King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword - 5/10
All British cast and directed by Guy Ritchie. Should have been great but sadly it isn't. Guy Ritchie movies are very inconsistent. You have really good ones with fantastic script. You have some really shit ones, some with a shit script as well. And you have some that were "meh" and forgettable. Sadly his last movie falls into that category. 
Cast was a little weird for me. Jude Law was fantastic and he does portray a really good villain. Charlie Hunham on the other hand was OK but he had a really hard time with the accent. I really thought he was american putting on a fake English accent but it turns out, he was born in Newcastle, England, I remember watching his earlier movies like Green street hooligan which was a fantastic movie and he didn't have a problem with the English accent. In King Arthur however, it was terrible.
I hated the script and Guy Ritchie did the same trademark sequence which he does for most of his movies. I really didn't feel for the slang of today to be used during the timeline for King Arthur. It was just too off and not funny at all.

The only scene which made me laugh so hard was the cameo appearance by Beckham. From how he looks to how he speaks, it was just too funny and it will forever be made fun of.

All in all, King Arthur is a forgettable movie and not worth watching on a weekend. Just wait for cable.